I am not going to do a wiegh in and pictures today. Nope. I'm not.
Why?
Because I said so.
Honestly? I've been sad. Really sad. It's been almost a month since Hawk passed away and my sadness hasn't gotten any better. I haven't felt really HAPPY since. I feel like something is missing every single day.
Yesterday I took a nap and had the most vivid dream...ever. I dreamt that I was taking a nap and heard a dog walking in my bedroom. I heard the nails on the floor and the sound was so familiar. In my dream I called this dog on the bed. I heard the running, the jump on the couch and then felt the dog run up on the bed and lay next to me. In my dream I woke up and it was Hawk laying next to me. His little tail was wagging as fast as it could go and his body was shaking he was so excited to see me. It was that point in my dream I woke up and realized that it was just a dream. My heart hurt like the moment I found out he was gone. I instantly started crying. Not just a little, but a lot. I couldn't stop crying. Everything hurt and I missed him.
Most people don't understand what I am going through. They think it's crazy that I am so "emotional over a dog" and I shouldn't be this upset. But I am this upset and I can't help it. I hide it as much as I can around the kids. Karie mainly. She has a lot more "bad days" than "good days" when it comes to Hawk. She cries a lot because she misses him. I try my best not to cry when I see her crying over him but sometimes I can't. I hold her and tell her it's okay as tear run down my face. She looks at me and tells me it will be okay. She's so sweet to try to make me feel better.
So, I've been sad over my dog. I have been eating healthy mostly but going to the gym has been a huge fail. Thankfully we did have some nice weather and I was able to get out and go on walks, play with the kids and just enjoy fresh air. That has got to count for something right?
However, I REALLY need to get into the swing of things. In 2 weeks I am doing a boudoir shoot with my friend Sarah, who is amazing BTW, and I want to have a great body for that shoot. So I am going to kick ass for the next 2 weeks. I am not going to post any photos of my body or my weight. However, I will post a photo or two from my shoot. So we'll see how what happens.
Let's hope that I find some happy and get out of this rut. I really need it.
Maybe my
