Currently I am drinking a cup of coffee. Gingerbread. It's delicious and with the couple of inches of snow we got last night it goes perfectly. After this cup, I'll have another. I don't feel guilty about it at all.
But you know what I do feel guilty about? The piece of pizza I had at 1am the other night because I was hungry. Really? Who does that? Apparently I do. I feel guilty that I don't drink enough milk. Let's be honest here, the milk I get most days is in my coffee. I am kind of embarrassed to admit that but I am just being honest. I feel guilty about not cooking as much as I should. I hate cooking. I want to love it, or at least enjoy it. Tolerate it I guess.
So, I decided to change things. I went to Target last night & spent $300 on healthy food. Food I am forced to cook. No junk. Don't get me wrong, I love healthy food but I do it kind of wrong. I snack like it's my job. I love fruits & veggies. I rarely eat meals but that is because I don't like to cook. So I bought food I could cook along with different kinds of healthy snacks. I tossed some not so healthy foods that we had in the house last night too, but we didn't have that much.
My goal with my "cooking" is to try new foods and/or eat more things I am just "okay" with. For example, I am not a fan of peppers but we bought bunch last night. I found a few recipes that call for smaller amounts of peppers so I can get used to the idea of eating them. You won't catch me eating mushrooms though. If one day I say I like them, it's because I have been taken over my aliens & you should really call the proper authorities.
One of my other goals is to get back into shape. I don't love my body. When I was younger I worked out a lot & had a decent body. I had kids & while I was nursing I had a great body. I joked that I was going to nurse forever (aka pump forever) because it was a great workout. I may have joked but part of me was serious. However that never happened & I have been done nursing for 18 months. Boo. Now I actually have to work for it.
8 months after I had Karie my body was banging.
I was still nursing so I had a great rack as well. I was chasing around a 2 year old and an 8 month old ALMOST walker so I didn't have time to not have a decent body. Now both kids are in school. I sit at my computer editing most days. Help kids with homework. And with the longest winter EVER this year and my hatred of cold I haven't done much.
Is it bad that I have a gym membership & I can't remember the last time I went? Probably. That HAS to change. Like I said before I don't love my body now. I know there are so many women out there that want to hit me on the head & tell me I am crazy. That I have a great body. Fine. YOU think I do, but I don't. Just because I am thinner than you doesn't mean I love my body. I don't.
I don't think I am "fat" per say. I just have some extra stuff hanging around that I want to get rid of.
I will. I made this blog to be held accountable. Photos. Posts. Whatever. Just to get healthier and to look better with clothes on and clothes off. ;)
But, I will never give up my coffee. Sorry, but not sorry.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself, regardless of how "normal" or stereotypically thin you are. As long as you're not getting obsessive and getting into mental illness like bulimia or anorexia, you're fine. :D
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